Difficulty with Forgiveness

As the forgiveness workshop came together and the participants started sharing their ideas and beliefs about forgiveness, the question that showed up in my awareness was – if everyone understands the concept of forgiveness philosophically or practically, why does it become difficult to let go of the past and forgive? While engaging further in it, I realised that most of these concepts stay only as texts or words by great men. They have never been dwelled with insight to balance their emotions, nurture themselves and stay in peace. So where is the lack? Is it the age-old socialisation or is it the constitution of the human being?

Understanding this further, I would like to refer to the development theory from a spiritual perspective. A child is born into a family with certain traits imbibed by the ancestral lines of both parents. This permutation and combination bring unique characteristics to the child. However, certain traits that are dominant in the clan stay. These patterns of behaviours add value to the growth of the child. Unknowingly the child even learns to follow the drama – trauma creating his/her reality. The era in which the child grows helps him enhance or diminish some of these traits. As the child grows into an adult, these learnt behaviours show the direction in life and the ones not put into use go back to the subconscious mind.

Till now we understood how a child grows into an adult learning, experimenting, picking and leaving values and traits defining his/her personality. Interestingly, it is important to understand that even if you are a product of your given circumstances, you are the doer and chooser. How did you choose the family and parents you were to be born to and the rest of your life experiences? From the spiritual or soul perspective, a soul consciously makes (with the help of Higher Beings) the blueprint of its life, deciding upon each aspect of life. So now it is more certain that an individual is the choice maker.

Let’s bring back forgiveness in this context. When a transgression occurs, the individual who now has forgotten his/her soul’s blueprint engages in action and reaction building anger, hatred, disgust, resentment, blame, shame, guilt, regret and so on. This starts the process of working from the space of unforgiveness developing severe consequences in life. Many types of research suggest unforgiving behaviours translate into health problems; loss of relationships, increase in stress and much more.

The individual who suffers the transgression feels victimised. Many of them dwell on questions like why me? Why this? What wrong did I do? This keeps them in a constant victim phase and they lose control over their life. As mentioned above such experiences are planned by the individual soul. You, as a soul using the human body, have a choice of continuing this game to hurt or leave it. So the questions here to be asked are – what is this situation trying to teach me? Am I being unkind to myself by constantly feeling victimised? If I am the transgressor, what step shall I take to get out of guilt? When the focus turns within a path opens up to new learning. In this case, forgiveness plays an important role. Before engaging in forgiving or seeking forgiveness, it becomes vital to forgive yourself. As this famous quote says – “What you give so shall you receive.” Similarly, when you forgive yourself by letting go of the emotional trauma and drama, not only in words but by feeling it in your heart; channels of forgiveness open up showing directions in life. Anything that is executed from the space of love, healing becomes an integral part of it.

Lastly, I found my answer. It is when I open my heart to love myself and spread this love to others forgiveness becomes a part of me and does not feel like a task to be executed. By saying so I do not deny the hurt and pain an individual or group goes through in a transgression. However, I am trying to draw your attention to the role of forgiveness by acceptance of the wrongdoings and letting the hurt change form by learning the lesson, playing your part in the given life situation and loving yourself more than the episode and establishing peace within.

Let there be Magic of love and forgiveness all around.

- Gurjot Kaur Chandan